Since the 90s, the modern mum has been strapped into the roller coaster of mum guilt as they try to do and be the perfect mother.
But empowerment coach Katrina Wurm said it doesn’t have to be so.
“We live in the era of comparisonitis and it is fed by social media and the Insta mums who, on the surface, make mothering look effortless,” she said.
“With our feeds full of posts about putting together the perfect lunch box or a show stopping outfit for school pickup or the posts about the 10 activities the child is doing, or how to have an organised pantry, the mum who is struggling cannot help but feel she is failing.
“The problem with these expectations is women who are trying to do everything for their family are burning out and living in a state of constant stress. Women feel inadequate if they cannot live up to these very public high standards.”
According to Katrina, the past 20 years has seen mothering go through three stages – the tiger mum who pushes their child to success, the helicopter mum who hover over their child, and the concierge mum who does everything for their child.
“While we all want the best for our children, the challenge with these different styles of parenting is there is little room for the child to build resilience, learn valuable life skills and make mistakes because life is so regimented,” Katrina said. “We are looking at a generation who don’t know how to cook, or wash their clothes, or solve their own problems.”
“What many people don’t see is the cost of these styles of parenting on the mum. She is doing the best she can to raise her family, but along the way forgets herself.
“All mums deserve space and grace for themselves. The thing about children is they are resilient, and they want to be involved in the day to day of family life. Sadly our BS; the belief systems in place, fed by social media perfectionism and pastel colour coded pantries, means mums are putting themselves last.”
Katrina has been working with mums, coaching them on how to find self-love and self care.
“There’s an old saying ‘it takes a village to raise a child’; that is true, but it also takes a village to raise a mum. We need to stop comparing ourselves to others, it is unhealthy. We need to support and uplift mothers, instead of criticising them,” she said.
“I want mums to remember they are doing the best they can. I want them to know it is okay to delegate jobs to children, it is okay for them to have chores and not get paid for it. It is okay to not have a pristine clean house. It is time for perfectionism to go.”
Katrina said there are some simple, practical ways to get back time for self. “It means things will change at home, but after working with dozens of women using my planning, organisation structure, mums tell me how much happier everyone in the house is and how much more time they have for themselves,” she said.
Katrina’s top 5 tips are:
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Work on your BS – what are your belief systems and are they serving you well?
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Delegate – give the children responsibility for a few jobs around the house. It doesn’t matter what age they are, it is never too late to get them involved.
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Use your phone – you don’t have to be there all the time to show them how to do things – record how to use the washing machine, fold the clothes, clean the toilet.
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It doesn’t have to be perfect – ok, so your 5 year old son is not going to fold his clothes the way you do, but that is not the point. If it gives you back 30 minutes a day to read a book, go for a walk, or just sit quietly for 15 minutes, that is a good thing.
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Get organised – often stress at home comes from disorganization – that is what happens when one person is carrying the load. Plan out your week so everyone knows what is happening and who is doing what.
About Katrina Wurm
Katrina Wurm Empowerment Coach Katrina is a Life Coach, Speaker and Author. She works with clients to guide them through overwhelm and help them to set up structure and organisation in their homes.
